“All I could see was the fog…I think if I could have seen the shore, I would have made it.” – Florence Chadwick after her attempt to swim 26 miles to the California coastline. She quit with less than a mile to go, surrounded by fog.
It has been a while since I have written. Life has been quite an adventure these past few months. I find myself teetering back and forth from day to day; from feeling blessed and so very thankful for this house we have to stay in together in Fort Wayne, to being frustrated that our house in NC is still on the market and the market is slow; from knowing and trusting that God has brought us here, to impatience in not understanding why He hasn’t finished bringing us here; to embracing the new and being excited about the unknown, to clinging to the familiar and desperately seeking a sense of normalcy; from knowing that I have little to complain about, to falling into the weakness of complaining.
I am a settler, a developer. I know this about myself. Building a Discipling Culture by Mike Breen and Steve Cockram explains it this way;
“Pioneers enjoy change and find the stress of doing new things exciting rather than threatening. Pioneers are committed to flexibility; instability does not frighten them. They reach out beyond their current experiences and relationships to discover new frontiers and challenges. Pioneers often find themselves bored and frustrated by the discipline necessary to sustain what has been established. They love to make breakthroughs and are always looking for the next frontier to explore and tame.
Developers are invariably committed to continuity, stability and conservation. They prefer to grow and develop plans rather than scrap what they have and start over with something brand new. They are great at implementation and processing; they like to see things through to the end. Developers are the steady, solid backbone of most communities. They like to know what to expect, and they feel most comfortable when things are moving smoothly according to plan. Instability can cause great discomfort for developers.”
Yep, that is me! Now I do have some Pioneer tendencies. I am somewhat flexible and enjoy new opportunities. I am not afraid of change, but if you ask my husband he will tell you that I very much like to know what to expect, and I LOVE when things are moving smoothly according to plan! Instability can cause me great discomfort.
Alas, and here we are, in the middle of instability with no end in sight. It’s foggy everywhere I look. There is no clear picture of what all of this will end up looking like. Then again, is there ever? So what to do? The only thing I know to do; run this race with my eyes fixed on the goal. If I keep looking at the fog, it will overwhelm me. I need to fix my eyes on Him who shines in the darkness and brings clarity to all things.
“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning it’s shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” – Hebrews 12:2-3
I don’t know how long I will be surrounded by this fog, this instability, but I know I will grow weary and lose heart if I focus on it. So I will keep running knowing that God is working for our good and the fog will be lifted. I am reminded today that Christ endured much more than I can ever imagine. He will shine the way, for me and for you.